


Everything in Between, or Nothing at All

by author_lee_green



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Old Republic Era, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24576346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/author_lee_green/pseuds/author_lee_green
Summary: Kel Nun, an experienced padawan, adjusts his shortcomings and balances his fears as he attempts to tackle the difference between the light side, dark side, and whatever lies between them. A world that exists after the Sacking of Coruscant with original characters and events separate from The Old Republic games.





	1. Chapter 1

My name is Kel Nun. This isn't a story about me or my own discoveries of the Force. This is a story about Jara Rann, a very different kind of Sith and how she was closer to the Force than anyone alive.

Before I can even begin to explain my own interactions with the Force, I need to address Jara Rann and how I encountered her. I was a padawan learner under Jedi Master Voron Maru. Master Maru had taught me for twelve years, since I was eight. I had been in the academy since, well, as far back as I can remember. The Jedi and the light were all I knew. But, of course, that's only half the battle. Master Maru pulled me aside after coming home to Dantooine from a brief set of negotiations. We had been home for only half of a day and I was expecting some downtime after the debrief. Or at least that's what he had told me previously

"Kel, the council has decided something." I thought this meant I was finally able to go through the trials. The council would finally allow me to prove myself and become a true Jedi. I was wrong. "I'll tell you on the ship, but this is an off-the-books mission that only we, the rest of the council, and a few knights know about." Confused, I listened and followed my Master. I had barely eaten a meal and the council was shipping us out on another mission. I was pretty upset upon hearing it was just another task rather than going through the trials.

We were the last ones to the ship. It was us, three knights, and one other Master. This was surprising. Never before had I seen so many powerful Jedi going on one mission. Not only that, but I was the only padawan; I was extremely out-talented. Then a thought went through my head: maybe this was my trial. I could use this mission to prove myself to these Jedi and take the real trials upon returning home. I was wrong again.

Master Ore Kuttain, the other Master on the ship, rounded everyone up at a holo-table in the briefing quarters and booted up the projector. "We are going to Hoth to find and eliminate a Sith, Jara Rann. She has infiltrated several Jedi temples, as well as injuring twenty-tree Jedi in the process. She is very dangerous, and very knowledgeable of the Force. No Jedi has been able to lay a hand on her in all the temples she has raided. It is time for her to be silenced. This woman has shown to be extremely difficult to incapacitate – she must be stopped at all costs. No matter what, she does not leave Hoth. Understood?" This was pretty intense. The Jedi do not kill – no one should ever be executed according to the Jedi code. No wonder this was off the record.

I did not understand why this one Sith required five Jedi and a padawan to deal with her. Not only that, but I felt incredibly underpowered in light of all of these infamous and respected Jedi, including my Master. I was the weakest one in the room. If this Sith was as strong as they said she was, then she would be able to sense my weakness. Why would she fight these other strong Jedi when I'd be standing in the background waiting to be attacked?

We knew she was headed towards the Jedi temple on Hoth from another Jedi on Coruscant. That Jedi had a contact on Dromund Kaas who knew a bounty hunter named Zet who tried to collect a bounty on Jara Rann but failed, and that person said she would be on Hoth. This whole story seemed to have holes, but I wasn't in a position to complain.

Master Maru came up to me as we approached the Hoth system and warned me. He said this was clearly a dangerous Sith and that under no circumstances should I duel her. I was to stay back and support the other Jedi, nothing more. I agreed, since I would probably mess up the battle in some way.

We landed a handful of kilometers away from the temple to try to avoid detection from Jara Rann. It was snowing hard, extremely cold, and impossible to see more than a few yards ahead. But the moment we entered the Hoth atmosphere I sensed something intense. It wasn't necessarily a dark side presence, nor did it feel hostile or angry. It felt complex, strange, and foreign. I remember first feeling it from so far away and brushing it off. Then as we got closer to the surface, it sent chills down my spine. The hairs on my arms stood up, the muscles in my lower body started to twitch. I thought it was the planet having an effect on me. I was wrong. Again.

We had a vantage point over the Jedi temple and a thermal sensor that could pick up any life forms in that desolate tundra. I, personally, had never been to this temple, but I didn't expect to visit it like this. We waited for maybe three or four hours on the ship before we picked something up. A rogue life signal. A significantly strong life signal. No animals live out in the empty, snow-covered plains of Hoth. As the heat blob came closer to the temple, that eerie feeling became stronger. It wasn't scary or frightening, just...different. I had been subjected to what a dark presence feels like, I've seen a handful of dark Force users and had been trained to resist such things. But this "Sith" had a completely different feel.

When she was about a kilometer from the temple, we chased her. We left our ship and vantage point to ambush her at the temple's opening. I had the task of keeping an eye on her with the thermal radar while everyone else got into position. Even though I couldn't see very much, I could feel the tightening grip of the Knights' and Masters' lightsabers. I felt excitement from them. I felt anxiety from them. But not fear. Jedi do not feel fear.

As Jara Rann approached us, our stances stiffened, our feet braced. She had to have known we were there. She walked slowly towards the opening of the temple, where Master Kuttain was standing. "Jara Rann. You will not enter this temple. You are under arrest. If you resist, extreme measures will be taken!" he yelled through the vicious snow and wind. Everyone's heart rate escalated. They knew what was going to happen next. I could hear the heartbeats pounding through the fierce gusts.

Suddenly the wind stopped. Snow began to fall gently and our visibility increased. The air stood still. This happened so suddenly, like the planet was interacting with our confrontation. She spoke at a normal tone through the light snow to Master Kuttain, "the information in that temple is a vital component to my research. I will not kill you. Just let me pass." Her speech showed so much confidence. Unfaltered by the, now clearly seen, five Jedi (and myself, of course) standing around her. Surrounding her, the Knights moved in behind her. Master Maru moved next to Master Kuttain and I stayed off to her right with my hand clenching my lightsaber, ready to defend myself if needed. I saw a grin on one of the Knights' faces, the others focused. The snow still fell at the slowest possible pace, the air had completely stopped moving – it felt hard to breathe. What I was sensing on the ship as we approached Hoth was now piercing every cell of my body. This woman, I didn't even know what she looked like, but just her voice rushed that feeling through my blood.

Master Kuttain drew his lightsaber, "You will not enter this temple." The other Jedi followed suit and myself after. Everyone prepared their combat stances and prepared to defend or attack. I watched, holding onto my lightsaber for dear life while this unrelenting, impossibly powerful, yet harmless center of the Force stood in front of me. She moved her hands to let down her dark gray cloak. As she moved silently and slowly my eyes widened, I could feel my pupils dilate as I saw more and more of the face of what seemed like a massive collection of the Force. Long, messy, brown hair, pale skin, not too tall, but muscular in frame.

"If you stand in my way, I will pass you." As she said that, I felt the muscles in Master Maru and Kuttain pull themselves forward to start an attack, but the moment they did, a massive push came from her body and went into all directions. Not strong enough to knock anyone on their back, but light enough to push all of the slowly falling snow away. In the silence I thought to myself, what great power she has if she can control the push to only affect the calm snow.

This took me aback, stunned me emotionally, momentarily. My comrades continued their assault. Master Kuttain charged from the front and two Knights from the back. Master Maru, myself, and the other Knight watched and prepared for the second round of attacks. Jara Rann drew her lightsaber, the most red I had ever seen a lightsaber, radiating against the white snow. She swiftly and forcefully parried Master Kuttain's frontal attack, spinning to block the other two Knights'. She kneeled down, taking in the strength of the two, then pulled up snow from the ground to knock them back. As they backed up, it was Master Maru, the other Knight, and my turn to attack. She stopped Master Maru with her lightsaber – creating a vibrant white glow against his bright blue lightsaber. She Force pushed me and the other Knight away. This trend of three attackers on the one defender in shifts looked like it was wearing her down. I could sense that existential feeling growing dimmer Although, it was still more intense than any other Sith or Jedi that I had ever felt.

There was a pause in the combat after several rounds of defending. She fell to her knees, holding her lightsaber up, still on guard. She was panting, breathing, focusing. I felt every breath, every heartbeat she had. They pounded with the Force. It was a feeling I had never experienced or felt so strongly. A normal person...a normal Sith or Jedi would have been struck down long ago. We fought for almost an hour. Even we were getting slower with our movements, slower with our attacks, growing weaker from her abilities. She stood slowly, turned to Master Maru, and chuckled in his direction. Then she turned to Master Kuttain and said, "Jedi, I think you misunderstand me. I don't think you realize what an important piece is in that temple."

In the blink of an eye, she dashed over to one of the Knights and severed one of his legs off. So devastatingly fast! She dashed with an outrageous haste to incapacitate another Knight, but Master Maru saved the third one. She practically flew backwards when she met with him and instead of using lightning, she pushed them down to the ground with the Force and pushed them hard enough to make the snow on the ground fly upwards and float down on top of them. Ignoring me, she blitzed over to Master Kuttain and stood upright and stared into his eyes. My hands were trembling watching this all happen. Within about five seconds she single handedly brought four Jedi to their knees. "Secrets to the Force are locked away in your stupid temple and you continue to hinder me?"

The Jedi are not supposed to feel fear. Fear leads to the dark side. But I was scared. I couldn't breathe, standing there in the cold, watching my comrades fall. Master Kuttain jumped back and tried to attack her, but his lightsaber was blocked mid-swing by relatively nothing. Jara Rann didn't move. He tried to push her, but the push bounced back and sent him flying into the wall of the temple, knocking him unconscious. She turned to me.

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? Master Maru told me not to duel her, yeah right, like I would even try. In an instant she was in front of me. She was a little shorter than me, messier hair than I originally noticed, with fair, untouched skin, her cloak was very rugged, worn and ripped. But her eyes were what set her apart. They were not red or gray or fiery. They were not yellow or dark or evil. They were sullen and blue. Piercingly, yet dull blue. This was a trait of the lightest of all Jedi. Something a Sith wouldn't have. This was no Sith. This was some sort of strange, odd, complex, awful...beautiful creature .

She looked at me, perplexed, confused, irritated. "You remind me of myself and the turmoil in me when I left the Sith academy on Korriban. On your insides." I couldn't move. I was stuck. I remembered what Master Maru had told me once when he was training me with Force abilities. When focusing on something to push or pull, just do it. Don't think about what you can or can't do, or what might be too hard or too easy. Just focus and accomplish what you set out to do, regardless of the size or the strength of it.

So I just Force pushed her. Somehow. She didn't move back far, but she moved. I lifted my lightsaber and took a few steps back. This must have annoyed her, or something, because her expression changed from calm to serious. She walked back up to me and raised her lightsaber. I remember thinking it was all over for me because I pissed her off. Master Maru jumped in to defend me, and pushed me back several yards. This made her more upset, because she simply threw him next to Master Kuttain. Yeah, I was screwed. Again. What confused me was that if she was this strong an hour ago, why didn't she do all of this before?

"Because I wanted to see which of you could prove my research." What the heck, I thought. She just read my mind. That bitch just Force read my mind.

"Why are you here and raiding the Jedi temples? What does a Sith have to gain from all of this?"

"The Force does not see light and dark as you see it. The Force sees itself, the life it creates, and the life it takes away. Jedi temples, Sith academies, they're all the same thing once you eliminate your politics. I am neither Sith nor Jedi, but I learn all that is the Force." She looked up, took a deep breath and looked back at me. "There is no death, there is the Force. The Force shall free me." She disappeared. Gone. In a flash of light, she was gone. There is no "Force teleportation" there is no "Force explosion of light."

We found out later that she got into the temple, somehow, made a mess of the archives and took one holocron from ages ago. According to my Masters, it was of a Jedi who started as a conflicted force user but never found peace and defected to the Jedi temple on Hoth at a young age seeking solace and comfort.

With the mission ending in utter failure, we sailed back to Dantooine with several injuries to boot. A severed leg, three concussions, a very bad cold, and a useless padawan dragged themselves back home. Even with the failure, Master Maru still spoke highly of my bravery and honor to other Masters on the council (off the books, of course). So for me, I figured the mission wasn't a total loss.

A few days later they were announcing the names of the padawans who were allowed to take the trials. Finally, my name would be said and everyone will know that I would be on my way to become a Jedi Knight. But I wasn't one of those selected padawans. I felt defeated. I felt rough, sad, misunderstood, and ignored. I never figured I was stronger than anyone else, but for a long time I had felt "ready" to take the next step as a Jedi.

I remembered what Jara Rann said about reminding her of herself. Maybe I needed to leave the Jedi and find myself. Not become a Sith, I was far from the dark side, but leave behind titles and politics and hopes while continuously being let down. I confronted Master Maru about this, and he said I had to do what I thought was best for me. I think he was also confused when I was told again that I couldn't take the trials. But where would I go? I had a vague idea.


	2. Chapter 2

"Kel, you need to do what you feel is best for yourself. I can understand your frustrations, I feel them too. The Council's decisions are final, however. If there is any way I can help, please let me know. I'm your mentor, your trainer, but most importantly your friend and brother," Master Maru carefully worded. He knew I planned on leaving, but he would prefer I stayed. I felt that if my time for the Jedi was not now, it may never come, even with patience. There are horror stories of padawans thinking they were stronger than their masters, stronger than the entire Council even, and separating off onto a dark path. I had no intention of doing such things.

"Master, I need to go find something. Whether it's myself, or someone else, or anything that can point me in the right direction. I think I need to go to Coruscant, maybe meditate at the Jedi temple there. I will return to you, you know that. But at the moment I feel lost, not with anger or fear, but with confusion."

"I know. I know. Do you remember in the briefing for our last 'mission?' How we got the information?"

"Yes. There was a string of people involved that ultimately lead us to her whereabouts."

"The Jedi who gave us that information is on Coruscant: Hunter Hodrren. Speak with him. Maybe he can point you in a better direction than I could." With this information, my path was set. I had an idea of what I wanted to do. I had to learn more about Jara Rann in non-hostile conditions. I felt the way she controlled the Force, I knew she was at peace with herself, although driven to find something entirely different. If I could speak with Hunter Hodrren, maybe I could figure out how to overcome this confusion in my mind.

I left Dantooine without looking back. I did not say goodbyes; I did not waste any time. I was on my own quest now. Not some mission for the Jedi to send me on and then not give me a chance to prove myself. Coruscant is strictly the opposite of Dantooine; technology and vehicles everywhere. Life on Dantooine comes in the form of nature, trees, and plains. Life on Coruscant comes from all the people, noises, and movements. Hearing all of it gave me headaches while I was there. Every person's step, everyone's voice, I felt it all. In a way, Coruscant was more vibrant than Dantooine, from a Force sensitive point of view, perhaps.

Hunter Hodrren was out of the system the day I arrived and would return shortly. I spent the hours in the massive Jedi archives researching light versus dark and how a Sith could have so much power over five Jedi. And a padawan, I guess. The information I thought I would find on the conflicting sides was abundant from a Jedi point of view. The dark side is evil, it's bad, don't fall to the dark side, lightning, death, emotion, fear, all things I had been taught since I was a child. I searched for any information on Jara Rann and I found out that although the mission was off the books, she was still in the archives. She was labeled as missing in action and whereabouts unknown, as well as branded as "Sith." There aren't necessarily any cases in the archives of someone being immersed in the dark side of the Force and coming to the light. Although, several stories of the opposite.

The next day I met with Hunter Hodrren. He was older, had a slight hunchback, balding with brown hair, no armor – just regular, traditional, brown Jedi robes. Master Maru had informed him of my arrival and he prepared some things for me. He showed me some documents and data about Force users and their relationships with the Force. "Voron told me that you needed some direction with where you belong in the Force. These are a handful of cases of great Jedi who became very close to the light side of the Force."

"I mean you no disrespect, Master Hodrren, but I've read and heard of a lot of those stories. At the moment I'm more interested in what the Force as a whole has to do with my place." I felt his comfort of the situation slip away. Not fear, of course not, but anxiety from my words and my lack of faith in the Jedi.

"Do you mean what the dark side has to offer? Be very careful and mindful of those thoughts, padawan. You know the pull and the influence of the dark side."

"Honestly, Master Hodrren, I'm not so sure I know anything about that anymore. The whole idea of the dark side is kind of skewed in my head right now." When I talked to him, it felt like what I was saying made sense to me, but it also didn't make any sense at all.

"That's what the dark side does, padawan. It clouds your judgment, it separates reality and makes truths seem like lies and vice versa, it eats away at your mind and makes you hopeless, searching for peace but never obtaining it." A true Jedi. His concerns for me felt sincere and honest, but he misunderstood what I meant. I already knew all of that "dark side is evil" stuff.

"I'm not concerned about the dark side, but the Force as a whole. Light and dark. I don't feel complete; I don't feel at peace at the moment. Even though that's what the Jedi say the light should bring me. I have no intention of succumbing to the dark side; I don't need infinite power or abilities. I just want to understand the Force right now." His anxiousness left him. It felt like he had seen his share of padawans defecting to the dark side.

"As someone who has found peace with the light on his own bumpy road, I can't help you answer that question. But I think I know someone who can, padawan." He paused. His heart rate went up, eyes looked down, palms started to sweat. Words were stuck in his throat, like he was holding in a tightly guarded secret that he couldn't let out. "What I'm about to tell you comes from no Jedi. If there is a part of the Force that you need to investigate, but truly desire to never fall and have a pure mindset, I have a friend that lives on Dromund Kaas."

"Okay, how can they help?"

"Well...she's a Sith." I stared and blinked a couple of times before replying.

"You're friends with a Sith? Isn't that against some kind of rule? How does the council not do anything while a Jedi has a Sith contact?"

"Padawan Nun, I have kept this under control for a very, very long time. Her and I were childhood friends on Ord Mantell until the Jedi adopted me for Jedi training since I was Force sensitive. She was only a little older than me, but went unnoticed by the Jedi. She was upset, angry, and afraid that she lost a good friend. Of course the Force led her to the dark side. Her and I keep in contact but under...very strict conditions."

"I don't think I need the details on your engagements." At this point I thought I remembered Jedi being forbidden to be in relationships. Too much emotion, too much irrationality. And I sensed it coming from him now.

"No, you do not need to know, but if there was a part of the dark side that you needed to understand, she is the one person I trust in the galaxy who could inform you." His faith in a Sith was interesting, but I sensed no fear from him. He truly believed this woman friend of his was on "his" side as opposed to the "dark versus light." And that is what I needed to understand – how to be with the Force, not specifically light or dark.

He made travel arrangements for me and she expected me to arrive at the Sith Academy station. It turned out she was a lightsaber combat instructor for trainees. So ironic, I thought. I was meeting a Jedi's lover, who specialized in lightsaber combat, to teach me about the Force and its relation to the dark side. Quite possibly the oddest combination of details.

Colandra Vox, a simple presence. I sensed, well, a regular Sith persona. Short, dark black hair, yellow-lined eyes, darker tan skin, a laugh that looked like it spit out black plumes. This was still a person I would not want to get tangled with. My lightsaber skills are mediocre, at best.

"You must be Kel! Hunter informed me of your situation. Defecting from the Jedi are ya? HA HA! Well right this way, we'll get you darkened up in no time, plenty of room for lightning bolts and scars and tons of evil things."

"Wait, I wasn-"

"Lighten up, I'm pulling your bantha, I know what you're here for. Come with me, so we can speak without the shadows hearing." She struck me as odd, considering I was here purely on business. Maybe my guard was up too much and the Sith could sense it. I know how I felt and I would have sensed it from a parsec away. She took me to an atrocious area of some barracks in the Academy. "Sith don't have much use for books, but we love our holocrons. Plenty of information in those things. Here are a few I rounded up. This one is of a fallen Jedi named-"

"Look, Miss- Lord Vox, I'm not here to learn about fallen Jedi leaders or great Sith warriors. I'm not even here to learn about the dark side. I'm here hoping you can just show me what the Force wants with me." Her easy demeanor left. Now she felt like a true Sith, a feeling I've felt with other dark side users. It was coming from her chest. It pulsated as soon as I stopped talking, coming off of her in waves.

"Are you afraid, Kel?" Shit.

"Jedi don't feel fear."

"You are no Jedi." She walked close to me, stared at me with her now piercing, glowing eyes. Her aura bounced off of her and circled around me, almost engulfing me. For someone who was a lightsaber specialist, she had a fierce presence when agitated. "I sense the fear in you. It fuels me and makes me angry. Your emotions are showing, Kel. Your confusion, your fear, your disappointment, your frustration – I feel them. And if you really want to know what the dark side of the Force has to offer the Force as a whole, it is what you see right now, in me."

I sensed so much emotion, so much chaos. I felt feelings clashing around in her, images of Master Hodrren, her training, her defeats, her fights, her kills, her Master whom she loved like a sister. Then a familiar image of Jara Nann. "Her!" I yelled out. "What makes her so different?! Why is she from here, from Sith, but doesn't feel or seem like a Sith at all?!"

"What? Who are you talking about?" Her emotion faded, her memories faded, her confusion separated the moment and put her back in her previous attitude. "Were you reading my memories? That is so not what I intended to do for you." I had to know. She had the answers I wanted, not a Jedi or a Sith, someone in the middle, someone gray.

"Jara Rann, Jara Rann! Who is she, what did she learn here, why did she leave?"

"Jara Rann? She was a dud, no talent whatsoever. Could never be a Sith, she was too nice. Got pushed around every day."

"But that's why I need to know her, it doesn't make any sense! The Jedi claim she's a major threat and is incredibly evil. You, a Sith, just said she's too good and couldn't be dark at all. Where does her power come from if she is not of the light or the dark? I don't understand her, I don't understand me, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what I'm supposed to do about it!" I fell to my knees. In anger. In fear. In confusion and frustration. But not peace. All feelings but peace.

"You're more broken than Hunter made you out to be. I thought I was supposed to give you a taste of what the dark side felt like, but it's clear you need something different." She helped me up and escorted me to a torture room. Fantastic, I thought. The smell of blood filled the room. It didn't necessarily please her, but it made me sick. She started up a console and loaded a recording. It was dated several years ago, but it was the same Jara Rann that I knew. She was torturing what looked like a Jedi or padawan. "This is one of the few renowned recordings of Jara Rann in the

academy. We show this to trainees on how to not torture prisoners for information. Her mission was to extract Republic information from this Jedi, feed him bad Sith information, then release him and let the bad information lead the Jedi into a trap. She, of course, failed that operation." She let the video play out.

"My name is Jara Rann. I don't agree with my superiors here. I want to help you get out of here alive, but I need your cooperation."

"I don't trust you, Sith. Torture me all you want. Like the rest of them do."

"No! No more torturing. Help me so I can help you." She injected what looked like truth serum to calm him down and answer her questions.

"You do know we've been trained to reject truth serum effects, right?"

"Yes, which is why I just pretended to give you some. Where are the Republic tankers that are protecting Ord Mantell's trooper training facility?"

"Even if I told you, you'll just kill me. So kill me anyway because my loyalties are solid."

"No killing. Look at me." The Jedi looked at her eyes. Her, deep, dull, blue eyes. I could see it in his face – he sensed no deception in her.

"Why do I believe you? Sith don't tell the truth, Sith only want to kill."

"This whole thing, it's a trap. They want me to release you; they want me to get on your side so you'll tell me the information. You don't need to be here having the Force sucked out of you." Confused, the Jedi gazed at her truthful face.

"You actually won't kill me, will you? And you'll actually let me leave and allow me to tell other Jedi that there's a trap waiting for us on Ord Mantell?"

"That's the idea."

"You...I don't know who you are, but you...you are not a Sith. You don't feel like a Sith. It's a pity. I sense good in you. Had you joined the Jedi Order at a young age, you would have made a fine Jedi."

The video ended there. If anything, Jara Rann added more confusion to her story. There's plenty of stories of Jedi being tempted by the power of the dark side, but very few stories of Sith coming to the light. Not only that, but clearly Jara Rann was never a Sith, nor did she come to the light from the dark. She seemed like she was already inherently good, thrown into the dark side, rejected it, but was too far gone to become one with the light, so now she walks the loneliest path. A path along a twilit road, void of good or evil, with nothing but the Force.

"Kel? Are you okay?" Lord Vox asked. No, I was far from okay. But I was finally understanding something that seemed impossible to comprehend. How could there be a middle ground? Wouldn't both sides of the Force reject you? Nothing to draw from, nothing dark or light, nothing in true peace.

"Do you know where she is now? I need to know."


	3. Chapter 3

Colandra Vox informed me that all Sith starships have a tracker on them and relay information back to several Sith hubs across the galaxy. Korriban is one of them, of course. I checked the places she had been since she left the academy several years ago. The first place she went to was Coruscant. Made sense for someone who was "too good" to be a Sith. But it didn't make much sense after that. She went to planets without Jedi temples – Onderon, Nar Shaddaa, Hutta, Tatooine, and several others. It must have appeared to the Sith that she was simply travelling. But then I noticed. Tython, Ossus, H'ratth, Hoth, and Bespin. All places with Jedi temples, enclaves, or academies. From the looks of it, she was currently in transit. I had to hurry if I was to catch her. But where was she going?

Upon further analysis of the map, she was heading toward the outer rim. I was trying to think of temples out there, and then it hit me: Dantooine. There are some ancient ruins and crystal caves on Dantooine, as well as the Jedi enclave that I had trained and lived at.

I thanked Colandra Vox for her assistance, and assured her that she helped me see. Although I might not have seen what she intended, it had become clear to me that in order to understand the true difference between light and dark, I had to address Jara Rann and what she knew of the Force. Whoever she was, whatever she was, she found a way to walk in the middle. Which I believed, or rather, everyone believed to be impossible.

The trip back to Dantooine was long. Maybe it just felt long. I wasn't really going home. I was trying to confront something huge – something breathtaking. I was nervous, shaking in my shoes from the anxiety. I wasn't even sure of what I was going to say or what I was going to ask. But something occurred to me: Dantooine Jedi just recently fought Jara Rann. They weren't going to be unprepared this time. But what was I going to do? A broken padawan coming between an unstoppable Force and a swarm of Jedi didn't seem like the best course of action.

As I landed, I noticed everyone in the station was running amuck. I saw Knights going every which way blurting out, "The witch is here!" or "Have you seen the intruder?" I felt...something. I didn't think it was Jara Rann since the presence was slightly off. I felt more emotion, more unrest than peace. More...dark. More like what I felt when Colandra Vox stared into my eyes and asked me if I was afraid, feeding off of my fear and confusion. This presence was certainly Jara Rann, but not the one I knew.

I followed the presence further into the courtyard, which was where the crowd was sort of funneling to. As the Jedi moved faster and faster, my pace slowed. The outbursts and pressure of her aura pushed me down, suffocating my heartbeat. I felt like I was being Force choked without being choked at all. This energy, this overwhelming Force was outrageous. I wanted to turn around and escape the bog and gravity of what I was walking into.

It came to me that I was walking towards a high security dormitory area. It was where padawans stayed if they were disobedient or malicious in their training. Not necessarily a detention area, but the closest thing to one. People were crowded around one room, and Jara Rann was clearly in there. I stood in the back, confused and shaken. Why did her presence feel darker? How could the Masters allow her to be here? What could she want from the ruins here?

I found out from eavesdropping on the crowd of Jedi that she walked up to the Enclave gates, presented herself to Master Kuttain, and willingly succumbed to arrest. This went from confusing to an actual mystery. If Jara Rann wanted something, she got it. There was no waiting or big plan from what I could tell. She was after the secrets of the Force, not some game to trick the Jedi on Dantooine. After an hour or so, the crowd settled and went away when they realized there wasn't too much to see with their eyes. I was petrified, mortified by not only the person, but the power that still radiated from her.

I felt a startling, but friendly hand on my shoulder that woke me from my power-induced coma. Master Maru was behind me. He explained everything I heard, and it was all true. She was up to something, and the Masters knew it. They couldn't try to attack and strike her down in front of the entire enclave. Although she was too dangerous, this was all they could do in front of the rest of the Jedi.

I waited in my old room on the other side of the enclave. Waiting. Waiting for something to happen, for Jara Rann to explode out and take something of value and run away. But nothing moved. Just the harsh tremors in the Force from her breathing. I was restless; I had to talk to her. Even though this wasn't "her," I had to speak with her.

Her "cell" gleamed with red and black Force. It pushed out in droves, cutting the rest of the hallway off from the entire world. It swirled and landed in puddles of dark energy. Absolutely incredible, I thought. This was evil. This was Sith. I put my lightsaber on my belt and crept towards her quarters. I had to. But then, I had to stop before the room. The Force pounded outwards in huge portions, waiting for me; calling for me. I stepped before her. Jara Rann. All I could see were her juxtaposed eyes.

"The Force has led you to me tonight." I exhaled, then breathed in the dark energy she was giving off. I could feel it running through me. It felt empowering, but frightening. "Unlock this cell, and take me to the Jedi ruins outside of this enclave." This wasn't good. I recognized what she was doing. She was using the dark side to control my body and my actions to get her where she needed. I realized this, but didn't fight it. I opened her cell and gave her my lightsaber. Who knows where hers was.

At this point I was more obliging than being controlled. Yes, I felt the dark presence, and yes, she drew me in with the dark side. But that doesn't mean I couldn't think straight. Right? I led her outside, whether it was under the influence or not, and tried to speak with her. The dark side that flowed from her to me was inebriating. "Why do you go to these Jedi planets?" Her response was what I already knew.

"Because the Force has two sides to it. But only I can see through both."

"How? I've been taught that people can only draw power from one side of the Force - the side they are aligned with. If you try to draw from both, you'll be destroyed."

"That's what they taught me too." The power of her simple words blasted through me.

"I went to Korriban. I saw footage of the good in you."

"I'm not Sith."

"But you clearly aren't close to being a Jedi. So what are you?"

"I am simply the Force." Why, why, why, why did she have to talk in riddles? What the hell does that even mean? This complex statement, and possibly her dark side influence, kept me quiet until we reached the ruins. But I had to make it stop there. If I let her in there, and she reads some sort of holocron or something about the Force or the light side or dark side or anything, then she only gets stronger and closer to...whatever it was she was doing. I was done with this chase, I can fight her now. No more riddles, no more omniscience.

I pulled my lightsaber from her and turned it on, prepared in stance. "If I don't make a stand here, what kind of person would I be? What kind of Jedi would I be if I let you walk in there and take what the Jedi have guarded and use it for yourself?"

"A smart one." Her dark side aura faded, and instead returned to that pulsating, engulfing, raging entity that is "her." The feeling that would have brought me to my knees in any other situation. The presence that dominated Hoth that day pounded into me. It rammed my face and chest and pushed my senses to the limit. Hairs stood on end, eyelids flickered, toes curled. "Your fear is a weapon against you. Your ignorance blinds you. The secrets in those ruins are what help me connect with the Force to better the entire galaxy. I'm not trying to overrun the galaxy or rule with an iron fist. I am a seeker of knowledge. I am an antagonist, a lover, a creator, a destroyer, a giver, but my research and knowledge in those Jedi temples and Sith academies all lead me to the goal of inner peace, which clearly you have none of!" I stood, cowering, realizing that she was looking for what I wanted, but I was the one standing in her way. This whole time I had thought she achieved inner peace. This power that pulsated from her wasn't peace with the Force, it was a cooperation with the Force as a whole, but not complete peace. Yes, I could feel it as she said that. It was so close that it could still blow me away, but not complete. Unrefined.

She knew that was what I wanted. She knew that if I wanted peace and understanding, I needed to help her, not engage her. She was using me to my own disadvantage. Stuck, again. Stuck in an impossible situation between two things I want to do.

"I don't need ultimate power or control. I only want to understand how the Force comes together through the light and dark. I see that manifested in you, I feel the Force, not the dark side or light side, but simply the Force seeping from you. You said I reminded you of yourself when we were on Hoth. I can only imagine the questions and turmoil you were going through on Korriban, realizing that the Sith were not where you belonged. But you were already too far from the Jedi. You had to be lost and confused and I feel the same way. You left the Sith to find yourself, to find peace in the Force. All I want is to understand how the Force can manifest itself, light and dark, in you so beautifully. And I don't want bullshit answers like "I am the Force" or "I walk on the middle road." She paused. Her breathing slowed. I could sense the words come deep from within her chest, locked away in her heart.

"Every day on Korriban, I was told I wasn't Sith. I knew that, I never tried to be. I was abducted from nothing to learn the dark side and be a pawn in the Sith game. They saw me as weak. I felt the Force flow through the tips of my fingers, the bottoms of my toes, out to the ends of my hairs. It wasn't strong, but it was there, and I felt it. I knew I felt it more than they could. Over years of training and living off of the dark side, it was time to leave. I knew my place wasn't there. It wasn't Sith or Jedi. In my travels, I learned more about the dark side than anyone on Korriban. I've learned more about the light side than any Jedi alive. And I know how crucial they are to each other in order for the Force to survive." Her eyes lit up. The dull blue gleamed in the night, piercing my flesh and bone, blasting through my spirit. I felt a clump in my throat. I couldn't breathe, I was so tied into her words and her story that I had been piecing together since Hoth, anxiously waiting for the next words to come out of her mouth.

But she cut her story short. She raised her hand slowly, preparing to push me half a planet away. I could see the Force in slow motion within her. It focused around her core, swirling across her arms and into the palms of her hands, drawing energy from the air and ground around her. She was never interested in sharing her secrets of the Force with me. She only wanted me to take her to these ruins to improve her own understanding. This wasn't peace. This was madness, obsession, a crazed feeling of dependence and unrealistic satisfaction.

I braced myself for the impact, only hoping I would be alive afterwards. The Force hit me like a krayt dragon launching its tail at me at full force. Flying back, I hit a rock wall, making me incredibly dizzy. I felt relieved that she weakened her push enough so I didn't, well, die. She walked up to me again briskly as I was on my knees in confusion. "The secrets of the Force are too dangerous for you to know. The things I have discovered with the Force could tear whole star systems apart and change the very fabric of the galaxy. No one is prepared to handle that, no one is prepared to counter that if the knowledge of the Force is put into the wrong hands. I'm taking precautions – everything I learn from both Jedi and Sith, I destroy afterwards. Making sure this knowledge stays with me until the day I die is my only true mission with the Force!" She pulled my lightsaber back from me, prepared to strike me down. The blue glow accented her bright eyes. She was a true missionary of the Force; soaking in the most dangerous, most powerful secrets of the Force, scattered across the galaxy, and making sure no one would become as dangerously powerful as she was. The dark side was flowing from her as she prepared to kill me. The dark energy crashed into me, making her hair and robes float in the air. I remember staring into the face of death thinking how ironic she was. Darkness around us, blue lightsaber, gloriously light eyes. At first I was scared, but then fear left me. If this was my fate, so be it. I searched for peace and understanding, and I was dealt death. Fine. I wouldn't be plagued with the search for knowledge anymore. Kill me.

But the Darkness faded. She felt my fear go away. She could not slay me. As the black dissipated from her sides, the overwhelming opaque feeling returned to her. "Whatever is in those ruins is far from the last piece of knowledge for me. But I have never killed a Jedi, and I won't start now." She lowered my lightsaber and turned to the ruins. But upon turning, she was faced with several Jedi. Too many for me to count. Their lightsabers on, glowing in the night, illuminating the grass and stones around us. The massive, controlled push she delivered to me must have caused a big enough disturbance for everyone to notice. Master Kuttain said something, but I couldn't make it out. Probably something about being under arrest again or ending this.

There might have been a chance to escape five Jedi and a padawan, but there was no way she could escape an entire enclave of Jedi. Her back was to me as she gazed into the souls of the unwavering Jedi. She scanned the crowd twice, going over all of their expressions. No fear to draw from. She turned my lightsaber back on, prepared to defend herself and her secrets. The Force's secrets.

Jedi from all sides attacked in unison. This wasn't like the fight on Hoth. It wasn't three, then three, then three. It was one after another, without backing off, continuous, stressful strikes came down on her. She blocked the first handful of Jedi slashes with my lightsaber successfully, not a glimmer of sweat or lapse of concentration from her. After maybe the fifth Jedi, she Force pushed someone so hard, he crashed into another Jedi, knocking them both unconscious. She pulled one of their lightsabers back to her, giving her more defensive options. The one she pulled was double bladed, giving her a total of three blades to either block, deflect, or parry attacking Jedi.

Watching her move was remarkable. The control she had of the flow of battle over so many Jedi was incapacitating. It was like she was dancing with the Force, jumping and flipping over Jedi left and right, continuing beyond the sheer numbers. This woman could not be stopped. She pushed and slashed and blocked her way through so many waves of attacks. But the longer she had to defend herself, the more of her aura left her. Her worldwide energy dwindled and came closer to her body as it retracted and pulsated with every attack. Her focus commanded all of her power to be centered on this battle and surviving the onslaught of Jedi to continue her quest for knowledge.

As more and more Jedi fell down, incapacitated or losing consciousness from her immensely powerful attacks and Force abilities, she became slower. This wasn't like the fake slow that we saw on Hoth. This was a legitimate fatigue. Even something as powerful as her had physical limits. She was panting. Almost out of breath, she faced the last ten Jedi in her path. She dropped to a knee, holding the double-bladed lightsaber up to continue defending herself. The Force had sustained her this long, but even she could not stand to the might of an entire enclave of Jedi. They circled around her, giving her no option for escape.

She stood, seemingly defeated. Finished. I could feel her dwindling, wavering in the Force. So strong, yet limited. So fierce, yet overwhelmed. The Jedi all moved in. No escape for her. No more power, no more energy. But the Force had not left her. Or if what she said to me was true, she was the Force – a true representation of the Force.

Her back was still to me as this happened. She began to fade away, becoming a lingering soul. Her presence never left, but her physical body dematerialized in bright and dark flickers. It was a marvelous sight – seeing the Force with my eyes. The Jedi charged her, all impaling her with their lightsabers. But there was no pain. I didn't feel anxiety or hurt from her. I only saw the light and dark flickers. No, not light or dark. Something more extravagant than all of that.

Jara Rann faded away. Gone. Nothing but the lightsabers and robes remained. Confused, the Jedi searched around the location to see if she had warped anywhere like on Hoth. But this wasn't the case. She wasn't dead. She was one with the Force. Was I the only one who saw her dissipate and leave the physical world the way she did? She had accepted that her time had come to an end; she was disintegrating before the Jedi selfishly stabbed her. Either way, she wasn't gone, but around us forever, surrounding us. Being a part of us. Being a part of the Force.

After a while, no one could feel her presence anymore. Which I thought was weird, because I have felt her presence every day since she left. No Jedi had died that night, but there were injuries across the entire enclave. Several Jedi had lost a limb or had been incapacitated in some way – most decommissioned for months. In this time of need, the Masters had allowed me to skip the trials and become a Knight myself. They said that I had proved myself more than any other padawan would have in that situation. That I tried to stop her from stealing the secrets of the ruins, that I had shown valor and bravery to defend Dantooine from the "dark witch."

I remember thinking how ignorant that was. I didn't stop anything, I practically encouraged it. She wasn't "dark" at all. The whole story was wrong and incomplete. I was the only one who even knew maybe five percent of her story. But in the Jedi's history, she will only be remembered as a threat, a dangerous Sith, and an evil presence. When in reality she was a free spirit, a protective person, and a knowledge seeker. She kept all of the right secrets out of the wrong hands. She was more selfless than any Jedi I've ever met.

So here I am, a Jedi Knight, standing in front of the ruins on Dantooine. In these ruins is something important, something dark and light. Something that was crucial enough to the galaxy that Jara Rann fought over a hundred Jedi just to destroy. I'm finally the true member of the order that I've strived to be a part of for as long as I can remember. But now, upon finally having that title and being a part of that elite group, I have only one question: is this really where I belong?


End file.
